Are Naturals Too Harsh On Stylists... Or Nah??

It has been almost two years since the last time I let anyone else style my hair.  Since completing my transition, I've only gone to a professional stylist twice:  once to even up the big chop I thought I was prepared to do myself, and once for a trim.  Both times the stylist made my hair look cute, but didn't give me what I asked for.  I called the salon in advance both times to make sure that they would be able to style my hair similar to how I style it at home.  That is, stretched and moisturized, not a wash and go.  Of course, both times I was assured it would be no problem to style my hair in a stretched state because this salon was supposed to specialize in curly hair.  

Needless to say, I was given a wash and go that more closely resembled a picked out Afro than an intentionally curly style.  And the Deva Curl products used on my hair made it feel waxy and dry.  Not something I enjoyed at all.  I honestly would rather have my hair chock full of shea butter, weighed down, and stretched than "lightweight," dry, and fully shrunken.  I thought that with this salon specializing in curly textures. my almost $70.00 would be money well spent.  But apparently, it still holds true that I will have to be the only person around that actually knows how to give my hair what it needs at any given time. 

Putting the fate of my crowing glory into someone else's hands just because they say they know what to do with it is just asking for trouble.  So, it was with this fact in mind that I recently Googled natural hair salons in my area, hoping to find one that didn't just work with "curly" hair, but actual Afro-textured hair.  I found one very close to me and read up a ton of reviews for it, most of which were glowing.  So, I figured that if other naturals were having such a great experience with this establishment, they must understand the needs of natural hair and cater to that.  So I went ahead and booked myself a consultation.  I had already learned how bad it was to schedule appointments with people I had never met so I hoped to alleviate any anxiety I might still have by meeting with the woman in advance and getting a feel for who she was as a stylist.  Boy am I glad I did!

My "consultation" went so badly, I left this message in the "Contact Management" section of the website.  As a courtesy to the salon owner, I have changed the name of the salon and stylist in question for publication on the blog:

I just wanted to explain why I was dissatisfied with the service I received here in the hope that things may improve.  I have been natural for just over 3 years and have not had my hair professionally styled in almost 2.  My hair is about waist length when flat ironed and very highly textured.  I called the salon to schedule a consultation because I wanted to sit down with whoever might be doing my hair before booking an actual appointment in order to gauge her ability and mentality where natural hair was concerned.  In my experience, mindset in natural hair care makes all the difference.  

I expected to receive a confirmation phone call the day prior to my consultation, but did not.  This was my first hint that this would not be "an upscale salon experience" but I didn't let it deter me.  I arrived for my consultation and was informed I'd be meeting with [Ashley.]  She walked over to me and asked "what you havin' done?"  I informed her that I was not looking for any services, I simply wanted a consultation.  We sat at the front of the store and I asked, "So what is your philosophy on natural hair?"

She responded, "What you mean?"

I rephrased, "How do you approach natural hair?  Like, how do you handle it?"

"You mean like, what products I use," [Ashley] asked. 

At this point I was almost certain that I would not be utilizing her services, but I thought I would give her a third and final chance to impress me with her prowess.  She did not.  I went on to explain that I was looking to understand how she treated natural hair differently from chemically treated hair and she again went back to the product discussion, telling me that she uses what the salon supplies, Mizani.

I said I'd never used that particular line of hair care products, so I had no judgment on it for natural hair.  It was at this point that [Ashley] began to offend me.  She told me how "it seems like everybody is tryna be natural now."  But "with how some people's kitchens be with those naps and beady beads... some people just need to go back to the creamy crack.  Not everyone needs to be natural."  

Personally, as a natural hair advocate and aspiring cosmetologist, I was amazed she would be so flippant with a prospective client about natural hair.  I'm not sure if she picked up on my emotions, because I maintained a smile on my face through the entire conversation, but she did try to clean up her remarks slightly by telling me that it looked like I have "good hair."  Again, this is an offensive term in my eyes.  The implication was that I and some others are blessed with genetics that make our hair "good' no matter how it is treated, while for some it is the exact opposite.

I'm sure [Ashley] wasn't thinking about her statements in such cut and dry terms, but that is how they were received.  And as a hair care professional, I would think she would exercise a little more discretion and tact when talking about the hair textures of the clients she serves.  I found [Salon Name] by Googling "natural hair salons in [my area]."  I don't think women with natural hair would like to pay to have their hair taken care of by someone who disparages their texture, tells them to go back to chemically processing, and complains about her fingers hurting from dealing with such "rough" hair all day.  Rather than offer her clients education on how to properly care for their hair at home so it won't be so "rough," it seems like [Ashley] would rather laugh and ridicule.

If your salon truly does strive for five, this is a poor representation of that mentality.  I hope this comment will be taken seriously, and something will be done to impress upon all the [Salon Name] employees that how you speak and even think about the hair you are taking care of makes a huge difference in the overall experience of the client.

 I'm hoping that after reading my review, the owner of this establishment will speak to all of her employees and explain why making disparaging comments such as those I heard is unacceptable and will not be tolerated.  Part of what made me Google natural hair salons in my area in the first place was the doubt I had about whether my previous salon experiences would be repeated if I went to a different establishment.  I can't say they were  because this stylist didn't actually touch my hair (which was something I expected her to do for a consultation, but whatever) but I think they very well could have, had I not insisted on having a consultation first. 

At one point I was wondering if my insistence to be my own stylist and keep my hair out of other people's hands was over the top or irrational, but now I see that my concerns were well founded.  I'm not saying that there are no stylists in my area who are competent with natural hair, but I haven't found one yet.  And now I see just how important it is to consult with someone before letting them anywhere near my head with a comb or some scissors.  Now I know that my paranoia is well founded.  If a stylist can't pass my initial "test" or answer my questions to my satisfaction, she can't do my hair.  It's a simple as that.  If you find yourself needing or wanting a stylist for your natural crowning glory, please interview the person you are considering first.  I promise it will make a world of difference...

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"I Would Rather $$Buy$$ My Fabulous..."

Who doesn't like retail therapy?  I know it's typically deemed a woman thing, but seriously.  Can all men really claim that spending money on things you want for no other reason than, "it made me feel better" is something they never do?  I don't think so.  And even though this is a blog dedicated to a decidedly feminine issue, I think in this particular instance, we can all understand the issue at hand to a certain extent.  Even the frugal among us understand retail therapy.

That's why I'm currently grappling with something said to me.  I should be able to understand it, but I'm seriously having trouble reconciling myself to accept it. The it in question is something a coworker recently said to me.  I was walking past her while she was having a conversation with someone else and revealed that she just spent $500.00 on some hair bundles and is currently waiting for them to arrive.  I was completely flabbergasted!  Flummoxed!  Amazed!  Even when I had a relaxer, as the woman in question does, I simply couldn't understand spending that kind of money for such a "shallow" reason.

I no longer think that spending money one one's self for reasons of beauty, self esteem, and self image is shallow, but where is the line drawn?  When does it go from retail therapy to exorbitant and unnecessary spending?  When I heard my coworker's plans to have this "fabulous" hair installed so she can say, "I woke up like this" on Instagram, it honestly made me sad.  I told her as politely as I could that there is no need for her to spend that kind of money on hair of all things when she has plenty of strands growing directly from hr head.  She responded that her hair "can't grow past [her] shoulders."  I'm pretty sure most of you reading this know that that isn't true.  Just about everyone has genes that allow hair to grow to at least mid back length.  Perpetually shoulder length hair is a tell tale sign of self inflicted damage!  Change your hair habits, you change your hair!  When I voiced this, I was just met with "Girl, ain't nobody got time. It takes too long."

That's why I'm having such trouble understanding the mentality that says it makes more sense to deplete my finances for someone else's hair rather than put in a little effort and grow my own for free.  You can either spend over $500.00 (because I'm sure she still has to pay for the install) and have "nice" hair for maybe a few months and have your own hair stay the same length year after year, or you can save that money and have your own hair getting longer and longer with each passing year.  I just don't understand what would make someone choose the first option other than believing that the second option isn't really possible.  It's unimaginable to me that someone would make that decision for any other reason.

But it is possible.  I'm living proof!  I was the girl with thin, damaged, broken off, shoulder length hair.  I knew nothing about proper hair care.  I thought my hair was the length it was because of my genetics, not what I was doing and NOT doing to it.  The state of one's hair, no matter how poor or desirable, is the fault/responsibility of none other than the person whose scalp it grows from.  Ladies, please don't concede defeat before you've even made an effort to improve the state of your hair.  It CAN and WILL grow as long as you'd like it to.  Just give it the treatment it needs to get there.

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Good Hair = Good Hair Habits, Bad Hair = Bad Hair Habits

This post is going to be a bit of a rant, I warn you now.  If you don't like opinion posts/rants, feel free to navigate away from this page, I won't be upset. Now that we have that out of the way, lets jump right in.

It's no secret that as a general rule, black women struggle with their hair.  Length retention is almost nonexistent for many black women and stagnant length is something most of us just come to accept as a condition of our genetic predisposition.  Basically, black people don't have "good hair" genes, or so most of us have been told.  We believe that our DNA dictates that we will have short, unhealthy, dry, brittle, unattractive, undesirable hair for life and there's nothing we can do about it.  I myself can even remember telling a white classmate in middle school that I wished I had hair as long as hers, but would likely never achieve it because black hair just doesn't grow past a certain length.

Nowadays, I know better, and so do many black women but the majority of us still hold on to those misconceptions that lead us to have negative self images where our hair was concerned, and convinced us that only certain lucky black girls and mixed kids got "good" aka desirable hair.  The majority of us still believe that black hair, in its natural and unprocessed state, is only acceptable on little girls below school age.  Our little boys rarely even get the opportunity to grow their own hair, being conditioned to believe there is something wrong or inappropriate about males who allow their hair follicles to actually do what they are programmed for and produce hair.

To me, all of these things serve as a reminder of the inferiority complex ingrained in people of color the world over, since the transatlantic slave trade.  I know many people the frequent hair care blogs, forums, and websites hate when others draw connections between slavery and the current state of black hair across the African diaspora, but if the shoe fits...  We were taught that everything about us, from our skin color, hair type, facial features, spiritual practices, clothing, and even language was wrong and less than.  When these lies were internalized, the outcome was the mistreatment of not only our hair but our entire bodies, as well as a loss of knowledge for how to properly care for them.  So instead of focusing on water, aka moisture, as a key component to a healthy hair care regimen, we put excessive emphasis on greases and oil based products that actually do nothing to truly moisturize our beautiful and delicate strands, only sealing it in or out.  Instead of being patient, loving, and gentle with our hair, we manhandle it, believing that this rough treatment is necessary for our "rough," "tough," and "nappy" hair.  And to top it off, we further abuse our tresses by frying them with flat irons, blow dryers, and curling irons.

After being denied true moisture, literally ripped from our heads, and fried to oblivion, it's no wonder most women of color have very short, brittle, damaged hair.  I didn't even mention all the high tension, neglect fostering styles we like to wear that make us feel like we can go weeks, sometimes months, without doing a thing to our real strands, like cornrows, braids, weaves, and wigs.  We are so convinced that beautiful, healthy, long hair is only a matter of genetics that we completely remove the human element from the equation.  We don't want to admit that we may actually be at fault for most, if not all of our hair woes.  We want to believe that we can chronically neglect, abuse, and mistreat our hair, and still have it grow long and thrive.  Sorry to tell you, but because afro textured hair is the most delicate of all known hair types, how it is treated day in and day out will determine its health and length over time, not DNA.

Being related to someone who is of Native American, Latin, Asian, or European decent does not make an individual any better than someone who claims nothing other than Black or African ancestry.  And it certainly doesn't guarantee "pretty" or "good" or easily managed hair.  Someone may be born with an aesthetically pleasing curl pattern, but if those responsible for their hair care don't properly moisturize it, rip it when then attempt to comb, constantly fry it with hot tools, put too much tension on it from tight braided styles, and neglect it for weeks at a time, it will visually reflect all the bad treatment it receives.  That's when the more judgmental among our community take the opportunity to call someone's baby "nappy headed" or say they have "bad hair."  I'm certain most of you reading this would be surprised at the complete 180 a persons hair can do when bad practices are thrown out and replaced with good ones.  If you want good hair, employ good hair care habits.  If you think you have bad hair, take a look at how you treat it then ask yourself if it's really your hair, or its owner that's bad.

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