Why Can't You Just Comb Your Hair Faster?

So, I just thought I would share a funny conversation that happened between me and my mom a few days ago. I had just got out of the shower and water was leaking into our kitchen from the bathroom and my mother was slightly irritated.  She wasn't mad exactly, but she wasn't pleased either.  After I got dressed, I started cleaning the water up off of the floor and my mother said I needed to start taking shorter showers.  I told her all I did was detangle my hair and I moved as quickly as I could.  Her response was, "Well you'll just have to move faster."

Normally when my mother makes comments about how long it takes me to do my hair, I just shrug them off and keep it moving.  But I'll admit, I was slightly annoyed too.  There was no anger, but I was tired of always being told how I should handle my hair by people who's hair is nothing like mine.  No, my mother isn't relaxed, but she only wears her hair flat ironed, so she never deals with her true texture.  Neither does she have a length goal for her hair.  So rough handling and quick detangling sessions don't phase her because she's happy with her hair's current length.  I (somewhat) jokingly responded to her, "Well, why don't you start wearing your hair in it's natural texture and tell me how fast you can get through combing your hair."

But of course, moms know everything and they can't be told anything different.  She responded, "I have worn my hair natural.  I used to wear it short and curly.  I didn't take forever to comb my hair."

I retorted, "But my hair is longer than yours was when you wore it natural.  The more length there is, the longer detangling is going to take."

"Not necessarily."

Hearing that, I stopped focusing on the water I was cleaning and just stopped and looked at her for a second.  What was she talking about?  Her come back didn't make any sense.  And I tried to make that clear when I said, "Mommy. That doesn't make any sense.  Even if a person's hair is stick straight, if it comes down to their waist, it's going to take them a longer time to detangle their hair than someone with four inches of curly hair."

Unmoved, my mother again said, "No, not necessarily.  It just depends on how fast you go."

At that point I just decided to let the debate go and just said, "Okay, Mommy."

But that little exchange made me realize that my mother will probably never understand why I handle my hair the way I do.  I don't know if it's just that she doesn't understand that speedy detangling sessions result in broken hair, which retards hair growth, which is something I need if I'm going to grow my hair to my waist, or if she just doesn't care.  Honestly, it's probably some combination of the two.  Even though she tries to be as supportive of my natural hair journey as she can, I think my mother is skeptical about me reaching my goal length.  And if she doesn't believe it's possible, all the steps I take to make sure I'm not breaking my hair off just as fast as I'm growing it probably don't make much sense to her.

If she had it her way, I would just comb my hair as fast as she does, with no regard for the tangles I'm ripping through, and therefor, the strands I'm breaking.  But, luckily for me, she's not in charge of my hair care.  I am.  And as long as I'm in full  possession of my faculties, I'll treat my hair the way it deserves to be treated.  Not as a difficult burden that needs brute force and speed to be tamed, but as a delicate and beautiful creation of nature that must be handled with TLC.

So, in answer to her unstated question, no. I can't just comb my hair faster.  Why can't you comb your hair slower?

School and Life Updates

What A Bad Black Girl I Am

I can't cornrow.  As much as it pains me to admit that, I've never really been able to do it on myself.  When I "dummy" on other people, I can get some kind of sad looking braids in and people tell me all I have to do is practice, but who has the time for that?  Plus I get frustrated really quickly any time something doesn't come easily to me.  I know, that makes me sound like a brat.  And maybe I am.  So be it. lol  :-P

But not knowing how to do something that's viewed as a basic skill for most women in the Black community makes me feel bad.  It's honestly a source of insecurity for me and I hate that.  I think I'm going to watch some YT tutorials and see if that will help me....  But honestly, I know what my problem with it is:  I don't know how to hold the hair/how to position my hands.  As I'm trying to cornrow, the way I hold the hair constantly changes because I don't have the muscle memory necessary to perform the motion with any fluidity. :'(

Oh well, hopefully YT will help me to get it some day.

Don't Allow Congress To Start Censoring Content On The Web

I just found out about this. But apparently, there is a potential law being reviewed by Congress right now that would basically give the government the power to control what content makes it's way to the internet.  Obviously, as a blogger, the thought of our stupid ass government having the power to control what I say and do on my blog and in my videos frightens me.  I hope you guys will sign the petition against this law and keep the internet the way it is.

http://www.avaaz.org/en/save_the_internet/?cxDqncb

If This Makes Me a Bitch, So Be It

Remember my post about letting people go when continuing to have them in your life brings more negativity than positivity?  When I originally wrote that post, I was going through some things in my life that led me to believe continuing a friendship with a specific person was causing me undue stress and frustration to the point that I no longer wanted to have anything to do with him.  We've only really been friends for around a year now but ups and downs we've dealt with almost seem like those typically dealt with couples in long term relationships.  Every time I try to point out that the volatility in our relationship is unhealthy and honestly not worth carrying on in my opinion, I'm met with opposition and confusion.  And somehow, I allow myself to be convinced that perhaps I'm wrong and our friendship is worth saving.

But every time, after a period of calm, the storm comes back even more ferocious than before.  And I'm convinced yet again that no "friendship" on the planet is worth the stress, guilt, frustration, and anger that this relationship brings me.  Besides the fact that it's bad for my mental and emotional health, I no longer have the energy, willpower, or appetence to continue this roller coaster ride.  And I've made so very clear to the person in question.  However, it would seam that my actions and my words haven't been lining up.  Even though I've clearly stated that this person and I are no longer "friends," we've continued communication with each other as though we are.  The difference is the communication isn't on a constant/consistent basis and I no longer feel any guilt associated with wanting to spend time with other people.  Rather than feel burdened by our relationship, classifying it as a non relationship seemed to help us get along better.  Until last night.

Ex friend called me and for reasons we won't go into, though it was ok to approach me like an angry boyfriend questioning his girlfriends whereabouts and behavior.  Maybe he didn't see it as that, but that's how it came off to me.  My mind was completely boggled that he would think giving me attitude and questioning me was even an option after I declared our friendship over.  He is nowhere close to being in a position that would safely allow him to talk to me that way.  So I immediately told him so.  Not very kindly, I might add.  In short, I let him no that my whereabouts and the company I keep are no longer any concern of his and he has no right to question me or get mad about either.  The fact that he came at me the way he did just proves that continuing to have any kind of communication with him (in the hopes that one day I could possibly be comfortable/confident that things won't be as bad as they were enough to actually call him a friend again) was a mistake.

Through this experience I have learned that sometimes not only is it okay to let people go, it's actually necessary.  So unfortunately (or more likely, fortunately) I will not be continuing any communication with this person.  It's obvious that communication of any kind will result in something negative eventually.  I refuse to put myself through that any longer.  I have no desire to "work out" any problems we have.  It's just not that important to me.  Sorry but, we're done.  It's time for both of us to move on.

My New Favorite Word

This is a non hair related post. But i felt like doing a little life update. Recent events in personal life have caused me to really consider the kind of people I surround myself with. If you've heard the phrase "Show me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are," you know that people should surround themselves with people who can help them advance in life, have similar goals, and places in life. Without having certain things in common, some friendships will just be doomed to failure from the start.  That doesnt necessarily mean your friends should be just like you in every way.  If that's the case, how can you expect to grow and evolve if you only surround yourself with more of the same?

Its always hard to think about letting go of a friend or someone you care about.  But sometimes that's whats necessary for the betterment of your mental, physical, and emotional health. So from now on, my new favorite word is "betterment." Constantly ask yourself if the decisions you're making and the actions you're taking are serving to help you better yourself. If letting go of a friend is for the betterment of your life in any way, let them go.

How To Give Me A Meaningless Compliment

An easy way to give me a compliment that means absolutely nothing to me is to give the same one, over and over again, no matter what.  I appreciate honesty much more than flattery.  In fact, flattery quite annoys me when over done.  If all I hear from a person Monday through Sunday is how beautiful, gorgeous, adorable, etc I am, it kind of takes away from the genuineness of it. If I get forty-five minutes of sleep Thursday night, and have to struggle to stay upbeat, positive, and awake all day Friday, chances are I don't look as good that day as I may have on all the others.  But if that's all I hear from you, it sounds like bull shit.

A compliment should never become a standard response.  Every woman on this planet has her good days as well as her bad days.  No one looks perfect 24/7.  Now I'm not saying a woman has to be completely done up and dressed to the 9's to look good.  As Drake said, "Sweat pants, hair tied, chillin with no makeup on: That's when you're the prettiest."  I totally agree.  There's something about a relaxed female in her own element that is very attractive.  But no one looks good all the time.  And to try to convince me I do will just make me not want to hear anything you have to say regarding my appearance.  Just keep it real.  If I look good, tell me so.  If not, don't lie.

...I'm done.  Just thought I would put that out there for anyone who might care.  That is all...